Emotional Regulation is Key!!!

Emotions are an integral part of our lives, and they play a vital role in shaping our thoughts, behaviors, and actions. However, when we let our emotions control us, it can have a negative impact on our mental and physical well-being. That's where emotional regulation comes in. Emotional regulation is the process of managing our emotions in a healthy and productive way. Over the last couple of weeks I have realized that emotional regulation is the greatest thing I am unable to do. Although I can appear calm on the outside, it feels like a hurricane on the inside. What I used to regard as strong overwhelming feelings I now regard as poor emotional regulation. Poor emotional regulation is at the heart of addiction. People often turn to addictive substances or behaviors as a way to cope with difficult emotions, rather than learning healthy ways to manage and regulate them. I know because I have been there several times. Trying to escape the overwhelming negative feelings, I have looked to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Unfortunately this then turns into a negative cycle, in which escaping the negative emotions does not cause them to go away but only come back the next day.

Emotions can be like wild animals that we are trying to hunt, tame, and eventually love. Think of your emotions like a wild horse that you own. Sometimes it listens to you, but other times it seems to have a mind of its own. The more you understand your horse, the better your relationship with it will be. You can learn to communicate with it effectively, and over time, you can make progress. Emotions are similar in that you can learn to understand them better and communicate with them in a healthy and productive way. The more you practice emotional regulation, the better you'll become at managing your emotions, the better your relationship with them will be, and the better your life will be.

We cannot run away from our emotions:

We must Face them, we must Tame them, and we must Love them.

What is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and control our emotional responses to situations, people, and events in our lives. It involves recognizing and understanding our emotions, being aware of how they affect us, and being able to respond to them in a healthy and productive way. Emotional regulation is not about suppressing or ignoring our emotions. Instead, it's about acknowledging them, accepting them, and finding healthy ways to express and manage them.

How to Do Emotional Regulation?

Here are some steps you can take to practice emotional regulation:

1. Identify Your Emotions

The first step in emotional regulation is to identify your emotions. Take a moment to reflect on how you're feeling. Are you feeling angry, sad, anxious, or happy? Once you identify your emotions, you can start to understand why you're feeling that way. If you are like me and have a difficult time understanding your emotions understand that it will take time. We are ultimately trying to understand what we feel to take the best action, not become overtly emotional. The more we understand our emotions the more control we have over them and ourselves. Thus we can avoid self-destructive habits and can change course to a tropical island.

2. Understand the Triggers

The next step is to understand the triggers that are causing your emotions. Is it a particular situation, person, or event that's making you feel that way? Understanding your triggers can help you anticipate and manage your emotional responses in the future. Once you identify your triggers then it is your responsibility to be vigilant and avoid triggers that evoke negative emotions. Cut off that toxic friend, reduce your substance consumption, and stop going to those house parties. However the same thing goes for positive emotions. Go for a workout, go hangout with your friends, go to that pottery class, go hug a tree, go take that nap. The better we get at understanding our triggers we can slowly start shifting our life and our days to be filled up with a majority of positive triggers. The more positive triggers we have in our day, the better we will feel and a positive feedback loop will start.

3. Use Healthy Coping Strategies to be Present

Once you understand your emotions and triggers, you can start using coping strategies to manage your emotions. Coping strategies can include deep breathing, mindfulness, exercise, talking to a friend or therapist, or engaging in a hobby. These strategies ultimately want us to become present. When we are flustered in our emotions, we are not in the present but in the past or the future. We are riding the roller coaster of our emotions and its taking us to the worst parts of the theme park that is our brain. When we become overwhelmed with emotions, we tend to go into "fight or flight" mode, which is a survival mechanism that our brains have developed over time. This mode is characterized by a heightened state of arousal, which can make it difficult for us to think clearly and rationally. Instead, we become hyper-focused on the present moment and our immediate needs. This can make it challenging for us to make decisions that are in our best interest in the long term. I have made many decisions that I truly regret in the heat of the moment because I let my emotions control me. It's important to recognize when we're in this state and take steps to calm ourselves down before making any important decisions.

4. Take Care of the Basics

Taking care of the basics and setting up the foundation is essential for emotional regulation. Make sure you're getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and taking time for yourself to do things you enjoy. When we don't get enough sleep, eat unhealthy and highly processed foods, and spend most of our day sitting at our desks, it's no surprise that we end up feeling worse and more likely to become emotionally overwhelmed. However when we take care of the basics, we give ourselves the best chance to tame our emotions and make decisions from a better state of mind.

Ways to Get Better at Emotional Regulation

Here are some tips to help you get better at emotional regulation:

1. Practice Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness (any form of meditation) and taking deep breaths are effective techniques to manage and regulate your emotions. When we are in a heightened emotional state, our sympathetic nervous system is activated, which triggers the "fight or flight" response. Deep breathing, on the other hand, activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to calm us down and reduce our stress levels. By taking slow and deep breaths, we can activate the parasympathetic nervous system and promote a sense of calmness and relaxation, allowing us to better manage our emotions.

2. Keep a Journal

Keeping a journal can help you identify your emotions, triggers, and coping strategies. It can also help you reflect on your emotional responses and track your progress over time. Reflecting on our days and weeks can be a valuable tool in identifying our emotional triggers. By taking the time to think about what made us happy and what made us sad, we can start to identify patterns and triggers that affect our emotions. Once we have identified these triggers, we can start to build a routine that includes more of our positive triggers, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones. By being more aware of our positive triggers and incorporating them into our daily lives, we can improve our emotional well-being and feel better overall. I have been doing this for two years now and it has helped me greatly. I have a better idea of what I need to do daily to feel better and what situations, habits, and people I should avoid.

That’s a Wrap

Emotional regulation is a valuable skill that can improve your mental and physical well-being. By identifying your emotions, understanding your triggers, using healthy coping strategies, and taking care of the basics, you can learn to manage your emotions in a healthy and productive way. Remember, emotional regulation is a process, and it takes time and practice to master. With patience and persistence, you can develop the skills you need to regulate your emotions effectively. Emotions can be like wild animals that we are trying to hunt, tame, and eventually love, just like a wild horse that we own within us. When we work in accordance to our emotions we can achieve so much more.

Thank you for reading, let’s grow together :)