Jaded

I gave up last week. I gave up on my dreams, I gave up on my goals, I gave up on my passions. I was lost, staring at my magic rock, endless options in front of me, yet nothing calling my name. I was zoning out hella and could not even maintain conversations with those around me. My mind kept wandering to the distant future, a future in which I did not win. I kept thinking about all the negative possibilities and it felt that my world was going to end. I felt that any effort I put in was not going to get the results I wanted.

I think this happened because I got to caught up on the end goal. I got caught up in the destination. I was worried about the future and stuff outside of my control. The only thing I can control is my actions, and I was focused on the results. Sometimes I feel that there is no point of doing an activity if it won’t generate you money in the future, or some other return in the future. I feel that this way I get paralyzed and I cannot fully enjoy leisurely activities. However since coming back to SD I feel that I have gotten better at this and I have been spending more time on activates for the sake of enjoyment rather than the activity leading to returns in the future, however I still need to work on this.

I had a conversation with my dad about passion. He mentioned that fact that I was lacking passion and that I was saying all the right things but he could feel that in my discussions the passion was not there. This was really interesting to me because I agreed with it. I feel that I lack passion in a lot of places. However I think this is because of growing up and just becoming more and more jaded because of our current world. I realized that the positive person I was who was a dreamer had died in the last couple of weeks, and I became a jaded realist, the person I hate the most. I was seeing my artistic visions from a business perspective which was killing my drive. I realized that I need to just keep creating because that is what I have the drive for. I feel that when I create that is when I get the most fulfillment. I think periods of times where I am not creative are the times I am in a slump. I believe everyone has this calling or something they must do to feed their souls. I will worry about the business part once I am there but for now I need to solely focus on creating.

Reflect and ask yourself what is an activity that I must do and make sure to do it, there is a reason why you so drawn to that activity.

I decided to ask myself what do I want to be good at?

I came up with two answers: Dentistry and Youtube

That is what I will be focusing on this year

Tonight I will be leaving for Vietnam, super excited about it and will be vlogging a majority of my trip, subscribe to https://www.youtube.com/@dharmshah to be up to date with all the content.

Thanks for reading, let’s grow together 🙂