Many thoughts: Life is Good :)
Just random thoughts:
Today I just feel great. Reasons could be: Sleeping at 10 pm last night, the sun shining bright today, getting an Iced Americano, getting a new magic deck, writing this blog post, having a super chill day at the clinic, but most importantly getting work done.
I don’t know what to write today once again. I feel that I have given out all the knowledge that I have learned and implemented, and now beginning once again a new chapter of growth. Next week I will be 23 which is pretty freaking crazy. However I have been feeling 23 mentally for a while now. In my head I always change my year mentally during new years and just think about it as I am already 23. However I am still 22 and I know that it will be really solidified next Monday. I have a lot of goals for my Jordan year, and I will share those with y’all next week.
I am not sure what issues that I have that y’all have. I think all my friends are so different that its hard to give value to my current readers. A lot of my issues that I am trying to solve I feel like that my friends do not need help in. I suffer from anxiety, limiting beliefs, and being social, all issues that I feel that my friends do not go through. I have learned a lot from my friends and I wonder what qualities do they look up to me for. I understand that I have value but its hard to see what value I have and whether or not I am making a positive impact on those who are close to me. I think another huge issue I have is believing that I have friends and people that care for me. This is still something I am struggling with and drilling into my head that I have value and that people love me. This has been something that over tripping balls the last couple of years and with my friends I have solidified this. When I was younger this belief definitely self-sabotaged me. I always had this feeling that people would leave me and that other people cannot be trusted. Obviously childhood trauma is the cause of this, like most other issues we currently deal with. I am not sure if anyone else has this issue but after trips and conversations with Tri and V, I have realized that this belief is not serving me, and its actually the opposite. I think a way to help this is to slowly rely on other people and just be confident that they are here for me. Thank you to Calvin and Yash for always leaving comments, I always get super excited. The fact that people wanted to celebrate my birthday with me, gets me very happy, even though my friends have always showed up in ways that I cannot express. I think a goal I have for my 23 is to rely on other people and ask for help when I need it. I am very thankful for my friends, family, and those that find value in me, thank you very much I truly mean it.
I think my interest in money and business as increased in the last couple of years. I first did not like business as I thought it was numbers and scams, but then realized that business is the way to true freedom. However creating and making a business is very difficult and a very simple understanding is providing value to someone who is willing to pay for it. The ideas come in my mind every now and then and I am trying to become more business minded and learning selling and marketing. However I am hoping to gain all this knowledge to comeback with a proper business but for now there is nothing. Learning about money and business is fun and I want to do more. I also want to be more outcome focused. I want to be focused on an outcome and do whatever it takes to reach that outcome. Forget the journey, I am a man, I just care about the destination.
Today I also picked up a new magic deck, which I was waiting for a while. Its similar to my other decks but slightly different. Excited to build it and see what comes of it. My interests and my passions are something that I have kept hidden for most of my life once again due to my fear of judgement. I have a lot of passion but this get taken away when you are around people that don’t share it. It hard to find people that share my passions but its all my fault. Back in college I carved myself to fit other people and kept who I was hidden due to judgement, or being found out and then once again being left. However honestly starting 2021 I started to be more transparent about who I am and what I like and guess what life got better, who would’ve knew. The more I became honest about what I am about and who I represent, everyone around me respected it and others praised it. Now I am proud to say that I have at least one person or multiple people that share my interest, and life is great. However it takes time and it takes balls to put yourself out there and be honest with others.
Honestly it’s crazy how different I am now compared to last year. Last April was definitely one of my lowest moments, and this April its quite the opposite. A lot can happen in a year and it definitely has.
I am a leader, I am a goat, I am an inspiration for change.
Thank you for reading, let’s grow together :)