Snip Snip - When to Cut People Off

Being able to cut off people that are draining and/or toxic is a very important skill to have. You have to be able to identify between which relationships are serving you and leading you in a direction of happiness and growth, and which ones are draining you and making you feel worse about yourself. However this is really hard to do. I am sure everyone has dealt or are dealing with toxic relationships, and understands how difficult it can be to end that relationship. Some relationships given the circumstances cannot be ended but only avoided or given less energy. Now entering the post-grad life, I am now reevaluating who I want in my life and what kind of people I would like to connect with in the future, and would like to share my insight on how I am going about it.

First I would like to say that I am not aiming to cut anyone off directly as I have done in the past. In the past I was immature and let my apathy go wild, and now want to keep as many relationships as possible no matter the dept. I have learned that relationships don’t always have to go super deep, for example you can always have friends that you do certain activities with but nothing else. I want to keep my networks big as not a single group can serve all of my needs, and nor should they be forced too. I have a group that I go out with, I have a group that I play magic with, and I have a group of people that I hoop with. I also have a core group of friends that I invest more emotional energy into and care deeply about. Am I open to expanding that core group of friends? Of course, but only if it happens naturally.

Here are some questions I ask myself when considering a relationship is worth investing in, or letting it die off.

After kicking it, am I satisfied or is something missing?

If I am satisfied then that means this relationship is worth investing in. If I am able to have a good time with this person and we can vibe and I feel free, then I know this person is a chiller.

If something is missing, I ask myself what is missing. Were the conversations mid, were the vibes off, was I trying to use this person to fill a void, or was it just an off day. Sometimes even with the best of friends, some hangout and conversations will be mid. We all get tired and that’s okay, but if you feel that something is missing after giving this person multiple chances then its safe to say its no longer worth investing in.

Are they positive or negative?

Are they optimistic or pessimistic? Are they dreamers or realists?

I am a optimist and am I am dreamer. I don’t have time for pessimists and whatever a realist is. I want to surround myself with those who are striving for a better life, those who want more, those who bring good vibes. There will be people who will have it all and are nothing but negative, and those who have nothing but bring vibes that are oh so immaculate. I want to be able to talk about crazy ideas and be surrounded with people, that even though the idea is impossible, still entertain it and have a desire to make it real. The world is a terrible place and if I want to feel bad I should just go watch the news. I want to make the world a better place, and want to invest in relationships that resonate with that idea and strive for growth.

However there are times where people are just going through it and won’t be able to be optimistic. I am more than willing to support this person and will do my best to help them but only if they want to help themselves.

Are you trying to recreate the past?

People grow and change all the time, this means relationships will change as well. Sometimes just due to circumstances and different life experience you may start to outgrow that person. This I feel is the toughest feeling because in your head you keep recalling all these great memories you had, but the person you are thinking about no longer exists. The person you were in those memories no longer exists. You two are now different people and you must evaluate that relationship and that person as who they are now, not who they were back then. The person I was when I was 18 and who I am now is like night and day. Because of these changes, and just getting older, I have lost a lot of relationships and it sucks. But hey we were different people back then and I can’t keep trying to recreate the past. Seeing a relationship die in front of you is the worst feeling, especially when there is nothing you can do about it. But remember there are so many people you haven’t met yet who will change your life so many POSITIVE ways you never even considered.

Thank you for reading and I appreciate it 🙂