Stop Reacting and Start Responding!!!

Have you ever done something or said something in the heat of the moment and regretted it?

Have you ever sent a text that you wish you hadn't? Bought something that you regretted buying? Agreed to attend an event or fulfill a request that you regretted saying yes to?

I can say yes to all 3 of those questions, and you can probably as well.

In our fast-paced world, it's easy to get caught up in the moment and react impulsively to our emotions and surroundings. However, this can often lead to regrettable decisions and missed opportunities. In this article, we will explore the importance of responding thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively, and how developing impulse control can help us make better decisions, achieve our goals, and improve our overall quality of life.

Why you should care?

Being able to control and regulate our emotions and impulses can help us make better decisions and play the long-term game. This, in turn, can help us achieve our goals, delay gratification, make better financial decisions, improve our relationships, and enhance our overall quality of life. Rather than reacting to life, we want to respond in accordance with our goals, values, and vision for a better future.

Zoom in and obsess, Zoom out and observe - Rick Rubin

The Window

There is a window between trigger and action. When we react right away without second thought, it is called a reaction. However, when we think and act according to our goals, values, and vision, embracing the window, it is called a response. Evolutionarily, it made sense to be reactionary as we needed to react to dangers in our environment, such as a saber-tooth tiger running at us or another dodging a spear from an enemy tribe. However, nowadays, our battles have shifted from the physical to the mental, as we don't have to worry about external dangers as often.

Instead, we get triggered by events such as an advertisement on Instagram that prompts us to buy a product, a snarky comment at work that triggers an angry outburst, or our fear of abandonment that makes us say yes to a drink even though we've already had too many. These events cause an emotional trigger within us, and because of our ego's desire to soothe our emotions and either chase pleasure or avoid pain, we react in ways that we often regret.

Emotions tend to narrow the mind, making us focus on one or two ideas that satisfy our immediate desire for power or attention, ideas that usually backfire.

We constantly feel emotions, and they continually infect our thinking, making us veer toward thoughts that please us and soothe our egos.

Emotions are continually affecting our thought processes and decisions, below the level of our awareness. And the most common emotion of them all is the desire for pleasure and the avoidance of pain.

Quotes from “Laws of Human Nature” by Robert Greene

Triggers & Impulses

When we react to our emotions and environment, we often act on our impulses. While some impulses can be good, most are not. In today's world, we face more triggers than ever before. We are bombarded with content, advertising, and social media. Our brains are not equipped to handle such a massive amount of information and triggers.

The world has become more sensitive, and people feel justified in being emotional and reacting to anything that offends them. People often feel entitled to others caring about their problems and get offended when they find out that no one actually cares. The truth is that we only care about people and things that bring us value. If you don't provide value, then no one cares.

Social media and technology are not helping us with our impulse control. Whenever we feel an impulse for pleasure or to avoid pain, we can easily distract ourselves with mindless scrolling, playing games, or ordering food online. As we become less self-aware and more automatic in our actions, the window between trigger and response narrows. Unfortunately, this can lead to us making rather stupid decisions.

Thus what we need to work on is impulse control, or training our brains to be patient and extend the window between trigger and action. During this window we want to think and then respond in accordance to our goals, values, and our vision for our desired future. Ultimately we want to be intentional and that is the first step. We want to know why we are doing the things we are doing, instead of just “doing” them like most humans. When we respond to a trigger we know why we are responding to it and what we are responding for. We want to be able to understand the consequences of our actions and make sure we are okay or even happy with the consequences.

Sick Ollie Bro!

Here are 5 tips to help extend our window between trigger and action, so we can make better decisions.

1. Take a break from social media or delete social media for an extended period of time, or turn off notifications
2. Wait 10 minutes before checking your phone after waking up
3. Read for 30 minutes everyday
4. Meditate for 3, 5, or 10 minutes everyday
5. Workout or play a focus intensive sport 3-4x a Week

Thank you for reading, let's grow together.